so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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