i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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