Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
