i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
