so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
