Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am available for nakedness
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
