I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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