I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Welp...herpes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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