We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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