my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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