But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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