There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
