Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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