I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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