Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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