Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
