Where is the hickey?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
