What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
