She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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