ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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