Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
