she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
