You're so nebulous sometimes
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
