Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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