my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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