i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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