Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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