i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
