honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So. Much. Porn.
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