how can u be prego again
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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