the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
