When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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