Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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