i think my tv is drunk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
