I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
