Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Randomize
