...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
