Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
