dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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