Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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