what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
