nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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