His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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