I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
