And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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