Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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