barbara walters just said penis...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
