90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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