trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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