Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize