I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
