There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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