oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
