It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
