No stitches, just platelets and will power
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
