Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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