the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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