what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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