There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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