I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dicks are not precious.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
