I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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