had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
