ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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