Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
