Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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