So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
