he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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