Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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