Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
