If i come over, it means nothing
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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