Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
