just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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