He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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