did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize