Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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