yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
