I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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