I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
