I just made out with a guy for $7.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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