a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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