Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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